Crystal Questions

For the first time, rock star / cult-leader, James Call personally answers YOUR questions about THE POWER OF THE CRYSTALS, the Missing Teens' smash hit rock opera / motivational seminar currently taking the New York fringe Festival by storm!

If you have any questions about the far out way, now is your chance to find out the truth directly from one of the contemprary world's foremost practitioners of sexy anger!

helpful advice?

How to Be a Loudmouth Rapper and Get Away with It, Featuring TOPR

What an asshole...

THE NATURE LINE

Deep beneath the roots and soil, past the wall at the edge of the world, Aya is searching for her lost children...

THE NATURE LINE
by J.C. Lee

The last play of our 4th season and the final play in the apocalypse trilogy we have been rocking for a year now is finally here.

The Nature Line tells the story of a post-apocalyptic civilization in the turbulent process of re-birthing itself.

Women, once the engines of life, now must resort to mysterious medical procedures in order to conceive as touch has been outlawed after a tragic epidemic. Aya defies society by breaking free into the natural world in search of love and motherhood.

^^^That sounds kinda bleak. Yeah it can be heavy- But what I left out was the adorable charm of the young girl Aya meets on her journey, the kick ass fight scenes and dance "talent show", and the hilariousness of the "team of dudes".

QUESTION: "I didn't see the other two plays in the trilogy, will I know what is going on?" ANSWER: "Yes! As with the other two pieces, this play stands alone as it's own story."

THE NATURE LINE
Thursdays - Saturdays
August 4th - 27th
All Shows 8pm

http://www.sleepwalkersthe​atre.com/tickets/

Tickets at the door: $17/$20*
Tickets online: $15/17*
*closing weekend

The Phoenix Theater
414 mason st. @Geary
6th floor, San Francisco

Learn Sexy Anger!

Are you angry enough? Are you attractive enough? Do you have enough addictions? No. You do not. That is... not yet. This August, you WILL learn sexy anger. You WILL reach out and crush someone. You will come to know...

THE POWER OF THE CRYSTALS!!!

The Power of the Crystals is NYC's premiere motivational seminar/rock opera. Featuring the music of The Missing Teens (America's favorite non-boy band), dancing wives, television personality Ted Tappert, and a Powerpoint presentation that can make even the hardest heart melt, POTC is set to take the FringeNYC 2011 Festival, this August, by storm.

Only the destruction of the world by Aztecs in the year 2012 could be more exciting than participating in the FringeNYC, but get this: while we rehearse and prepare our staging, we are also recording the soundtrack album for POTC, featuring crowd-pleasers such as "Stack of Documents" and "You Can Act Like A Man," and plan to release the album online to coincide with the FringeNYC in August. How's THAT for upping the ante? It's two projects... in ONE! Holy Synergy, Batman!

Your contributions are vital to our success. We will be paying our cast, crew, and band, paying for advertising and promotion, and paying for recording and mastering of the soundtrack album. Without your contributions, we will be failures. FAILURES! Do you really want our failure on your conscience? What would your mother think?

We guarantee that POTC is truly unique. It is not a musical, it is not a play, it is not a rock concert. It is something more, something new. We are taking a big risk bringing this exciting project to the stage. And we cannot do it without you.

Art and politics

Art is a powerful but inherently limited a political tool. It can deliver a message about a moral issue and perhaps make its audience feel guilty enough to want to make a difference. It can’t, however actually directly fix a problem. If there are real problems to address, why waste time making art? Aren’t there more effective ways to get a message across? Banksy’s Oil Spill Dolphin Ride can’t clean up a drop of the oil that was spilt in the Gulf of Mexico recently. It can, however, force its viewer to pay attention to unpleasant consequences of our petroleum “addiction” that can otherwise be easily ignored.

It could be suggested that all art is political. The difference is that some art reinforces society’s current order while some challenges the status quo. Throughout history, portraits were painted of (and almost exclusively commissioned by) the rich and powerful. Art that contradicted the desired message of the ruling class (and/or the church) would probably not be seen. The wealthy of our current age are similarly unlikely to purchase or fund artwork that offends their sensibilities or opposes their worldview in any significant manner. Rich art patrons who support “controversial” work are merely attempting to prove how “hip” and intellectual they are and to excuse and separate themselves from the crimes of their class. Even the seemingly completely apolitical abstract expressionist paintings of artists such as Jackson Pollock were promoted during the cold war by the CIA as examples of the individual freedom citizens had in the United States, supposedly a characteristic exclusive to our capitalist system.

Haacke’s MOMA Poll, while less direct than his later, more explicitly politically motivated work (such as Metromobiltan, the Shapolsky Manhattan Real Estate piece, etc.) confronts museum patrons with Governor (and MOMA trustee) Rockefeller’s implicit support of the Viet Nam War. The piece, however, seems less about this issue and more about effect his audience had upon the museum space. The audience is encouraged to participate in the artwork, directly manipulating the “sculpture” by depositing papers into one of the two transparent cubes. Despite the apparently overt political nature of the poll’s question, the message of the piece is somewhat muddled and it ends up closer his Condensation Cube and Grass Grows, in which the sculptures are altered by exterior forces.

The Art Workers Coalition’s Poster is an example of artwork expressing far more than mere words ever could. It’s easy for those of us lucky enough to live in the relative safety and luxury of the United States to ignore the harsh realities of the world. Art such as this can remind us of the true costs of our way of life. Juxtaposed over the photograph of the dead My Lai civilians is the seemingly detached testimony of a soldier / witness in the stark, dehumanizing type of bureaucratic government documents. We are forced to face the sheer horror of war when we are confronted by this incredibly disturbing image, the direct result of our nation’s military policy.

Even with all its limitations and “impotence” art can communicate ideas in ways that words cannot. While it may be easy to dismiss as an ineffective manner to change things, artistic “gimmicks” can often grab people’s attention far more effectively than social work or traditional protests. While a painting can’t feed the hungry or eliminate our dependence on fossil fuels, it can change minds, which may, in the end be more significant than any single direct political action.

James Call discusses the Far-Out Way

Ted Tappert interviews James Call, cultist leader of the Far Out Way and frontman for the Missing Teens, on his controversial views and philosophy.

Adam Infanticide interview...

...in English AND French! Dig it!

Zombie Town!

Zombie Town hilarious "documentary play" about a small Texas town overtaken by Zombies. I highly recommend seeing it if you are in the SF bay area. 

Go easy on the Jello shots, though. Or at least remember to eat food. I ended up throwing up that gross orange stuff from the pit of my stomach the next morning.  

more Info and tickets here.

Benefit Fundraiser for the execution of John Mayer

On Thursday, Oct. 1st, a spectacular consortium of bands meets at Coco 66 (66 Greenpoint Ave, in Greenpoint) to raise awareness and funds for the legal trial of John Mayer, for his crimes against Rock, specifically his profilic output of pop schmaltz, which he generates of defiance of discernable, albeit technical, talent, and the ABILITY to create more interesting music. The penalty sought is death.

Plaintiffs intend to call as experts:

The Missing Teens!
Joe Palumbo of the Better Letters!
Bliminal!
Illimanjaro!
Music starts at 8 and goes all night. Come argue the merits of the case, raise funds and awareness, and hear some great rock!!! Witness the unveiling of a RARE NEVER BEFORE HEARD original J. Mayer composition at the show, as evidence of his crimes. For those with ethical concerns regarding the trial and execution of a successful pop musician, we want to ensure you that the trial will be 100% legal and will be based entirely on the catchy yet completely insipid musical legacy of Mr. Mayer. More details TBA

The Sixth Annual Mishap Prom

Remember your high school prom? Are you ready to forget it?

Come dressed to impress in your most elegant gown or tuxedo, and prepare to be swept off your feet and perhaps out of your clothing by a night of music, art, booze and l'amour.

You're gonna get lucky for sure, dancing and romancing to the sounds of:

Spandex Tiger

the Missing Teens

the R&B Free-Jazz Gospel Supreme 80

the Torn ACLs

& fab prom DJ, Adam Infanticide

This is bound to be an evening you won't soon forget, at least until the morning (the plentiful spiked punch will make you don't remember a damned thing).

Quality art by your classmates, Eric Meltesen, Adam Beebe and others, or at least who you wish had been your classmates instead of the losers who really were.

The young and beautiful will make and break love connections galore, especially with you.

Do not miss the Mishap Prom or prepare to suffer a horrible inferiority complex for months afterwards. This year's theme: "enchanting tropical paradise".

8PM, Friday, August 28th

at the Blue Macaw (formerly 12 Galaxies)

2565 Mission (at 22nd) in lovely San Francisco 94110

$13, $10 in formal wear

http://mishapproductions.com/

http://mishapprom.com/prom09/

http://crapcore.com/mishap_prom2.html

Gomorrans Record release dance party extravaganza!

THE GOMORRAN SOCIAL AID AND PLEASURE CLUB is having an album release party Friday, August 14th at the Bottom of the Hill (1233 17th St. San Francisco).

Come hear the Right Reverend Ryan Beebe blister the walls of penitence on the banjo and megaphone, "Luke 4:38" Kirley heal the sober on tuba, Scott "Sinner-no-more" Knipplemeir play down the rosary on trombone, Thomas "Aquinetist" Lenhartz get all up in your "summa" on clarinet, and Reid Gotdamn Davis whoop Gabriel's ass on the trumpet. "San Franciscan- Waitsian-New Orleans-Swing-Swagger-and Sweat" at its finest! 

Sharing the stage also be KHI DARAG!, the mini orchestra that plays what has best been described as a macabre psychedelic rock soundtrack to a late 60's Farsi-dubbed Cambodian espionage suspense erotic thriller comedy that was never made. Getting things going will the virtuosic stylings of the cult central valley troubadour BRIAN KENNEY FRESNO, who with his 10-string Warr guitar in hand, is a one man show bringing people raisins & demented tales. Also the Last Night's Fling All-star Burlesque and DJ K-Tel.

Be the first audiophile / hipster weirdo / luddite / vinyl aficionado on your block to get the Gomorrans new LP! Booze it up and dig the sounds.

HORRAY AMERICA!

The Missing Teens are playing LIVE once more, this Saturday (June 20)!
Come out on to Von King Park in Brooklyn at 4pm (on Lafayette between Marcy and Tompkins - directions below) and watch us rock out with our cocks in. Featuring 2 new tunes! You'll laugh, you'll cry.
 
And hey - why not stop by at noon to see Darren "Black Thor" Jones' other project, Shadz of Red, rock out as well? It's not like you can get too much rock in your life, am I freakin' right, here?!?!?
 
To prepare, of course, memorize all the lyrics and musical breakdowns found here: http://themissingteens.com
 
And of course, buy our CD!!!
 
Directions:
 
By Car: From Downtown Brooklyn, take Flatbush Avenue southbound away from the bridges and turn left on Lafayette Avenue. The park will be on your right immediately after passing Marcy Avenue.

By Bus: Take either the B38 bus (running east on Lafayette Avenue and west on DeKalb Avenue two blocks north) or the B43 bus (running south on Tompkins Avenue and north on Throop Avenue one block west).

By Subway: Take the G train to Bedford-Nostrand Avenue Station. From the Nostrand Avenue exit, the park is one block east along Lafayette Avenue.

New cartoons from your favorite working stiff!

Hey kids. Please enjoy part one of "Temping for Terrorism".

 

http://www.biensuretal.com

 

SPECIAL OFFER! James is looking to expand his mailing list. If you can forward this website to your friends, and some of them join the mailing list, you can win one of the following exciting options:

 

1. Get 5 people on the mailing list and appear in next week's (or a future) comic as a character of your own!

 

2. Get 10 people on the mailing list and dictate to him a comic I must do (must be able to describe it in one sentence or less).

 

3. Get more than 10 people on the mailing list and he will cook you dinner, or something.

 

Remember, these must be people who sign up ON THEIR OWN. They can email me by clicking "contact" on the website. Make sure they mention that you turned them on (to the comic. Not otherwise)!

 

Huge Fantastic Rock Show this Friday night!!! The Missing Teens return!!!‏

This Friday, The Missing Teens debut their new live sound at Don Pedro in Williamsburg. We hope you're ready to scream like a schoolgirl!

Don Pedro is at 90 Manhattan Ave, between Boerum and McKibben (L to Montrose, G to Broadway, or J/M to Lorimer). The show is $5. Don't miss out on the crazy happy hour - $2 well drinks and $3 beers until 10pm!

This is a birthday party too; come at 8:30 to see James Call & Erotic Photo Hunt kick off the 30 songs in honor of the 30 questionable years of James' life! (and let's not forget a "bon anniversaire" to our very own bass guitarist Dave "That's Fantastic" Tirolo as well).

Make your way down by 10pm for America's "other" favorite band, Psycho Rainbow!!! To be followed thereafter by the Teens themselves.

Not sure why you should be so damn pumped to see The Missing Teens live? Go to their website and find out for yourself why they're being described as "like a sensual massage from a young Bill Clinton on meth" and "the top suspects for the future assassination of the Jonas Brothers."

And it's not like you can't buy their hot new album, Music For Young Adults, at Amazon.com or the iTunes store either! Stimulates the economy!

Finally...be our fan on Facebook! Why not? You know all you do is sit around on Facebook all day updating your status message and shit.

See you Friday night!

Depression Celebration!

Come Support Local Theatre and Help Make this Depression the Greatest of All!

On April 18th Sleepwalkers Theatre and the Mishap Collective are Throwing a Depression Celebration at Lobot Gallery in Oakland!

Including Two Short Neo-Vaudeville Performances: 

Tim Baur's The Magic Word

Performed by Ari Owens & Damian Lanahan-Kalish

David Ackerman's Inside Alberts Head 

Performed by Damian Lanahan-Kalish

Learn to brew your own bootleg hootch with Tore Ingersoll-Thorp's Moonshine-Making Demonstration 

Lift your sprits with the good-time hokum tunes from Ryan Beebe 

& a Special Secret Performance by Members of the Gomorran Social Aid and Pleasure Club!

Dance to the old-timey syncopated sounds of DJ Adam Infanticide

Drown your sorrows with homemade booze, beer and the finest hella cheap Hooverville delicacies. Including 50 cent moonshines shots! 

Score some bargain artwork art (everything under $20)! 

Marvel at an installation Made Entirely from Decaying Money! 

Art by James Call, Ian Amberson, Adam Beebe, Caitlin Watts-Fitzgerald,  Craig Kandel, Eric Meltesen & Many More

8pm at Lobot Gallery (1800 Campbell Street Oakland, California)

Admission $10 

All proceeds go to keeping Sleepwalkers Theatre alive!

more info: 415.308.9849, mishapcollective@gmail.com, crapcore.com

EXCITING NEWS FROM THE MISSING TEENS, ARGUABLY THE GREATEST BAND YOU, YOUR CHILDREN, OR YOUR GRANDCHILDREN WILL EVER HEAR

HOLY CRAPOLA! It would appear that the CHART-TOPPING GREATEST ALBUM OF 2004-2009, "Music for Young Adults," is finally for SALE online! Why, you can buy it at iTunes and support Steve Jobs or buy it at Amazon and support Jeffrey Bezos! Remember: Also support the arts!...or you are a terrible person.

Wow kids! We just keep pumping em out!  It's a new Song of the Moment from The Missing Teens! Just click on "Music" on the list of ingredients at themissingteens.com to hear with your ears!

Are you all pumped for megalomaniac front man James Call's 30th Birthday Party at Don Pedro's??! We'll be debuting the NEW LIVE BAND there! A whole new sound for a whole new era!

Come hear 30 glorious songs, one for each glorious year of our petulant hero's life. There will be other bands as well! (to be ANNOUNCED! the best kind of "to be" of all!)

This all goes down Friday, April 24th at "Happy Hour Heaven" Don Pedro's in Williamsburg (directions below). $2 well drinks until 10pm? I think I died and went to..."happy hour heaven!" Get it? HA HA HA HA HA.

Twitter, anyone? Yes, The Missing Teens are now a part of modern civilization's stupidest craze! Be our friends, and see what we're up to! Why not! We'll return the favor!  No, really!  Become a follower of The Missing Teens' Twitter feed, we'll follow you back, you send us a direct message describing us in 140 characters or less & we'll send you a SUPER-RARE mp3.  Technology!

Oh and hey, Facebook! Ever heard of that thing? Yeah, well, be our fans, or we'll hire someone to break your kneecaps. "LOL"!
Love,The Missing Teens

Don Pedro's
90 Manhattan (between Boerum and McKibben)
L to Montrose or
G to Broadway or 
M to Lorimer

Pas Mal Tries to Make Bien Sûr Lose His Shit

Hey kids! Time for another exciting cartoon! My line work is getting better even if my comprehension of how not to ruin an image in the scanning process is still a bit minimal. Anyways, enjoy!

Mishap Pick of the Week! Fat Tuesday Celebration at the Make-Out Room With The Gomorran Social Aid and Pleasure Club

Tuesday February 24th, The Make Out Room, 22nd & Mission, 8:30 PM $10

Zoyres, The Gomorran Social Aid and Pleasure Club, Damon & The Heathens

Mardi Gras celebrations all over the world traditionally culminate on Fat Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday (the name Mardi Gras actually means Fat Tuesday as it turns out). From what I understand the idea is to get all your sinning out before Lent when you have to give everything up.

Who better to celebrate this day of decadence with than The Gomorran Social Aid and Pleasure Club? After all, they take the second part of their name from the societies of people who build Mardi Gras floats for New Orleans-groups who call themselves “Social Aid and Pleasure Clubs”, and they know a thing or two about getting the sinning started!

Of course anyone who’s seen the Gomorrans before knows that they’re more then just a great Mardi Gras band. Blending elements of Vaudeville, Motown, freak-out psychedelia and a New Orleans funeral you’ll be kicking yourself all through Lent if you miss their return to San Francisco's Make-Out Room. A generous helping of righteous hokum guaranteed!

Also playing that night, Zoyres Eastern European Wild Ferment will help you get all your sins out the traditional Eastern European way with their unique take on that region's music. And for the heathens in the bunch who just want to drink away there nihilism, there’s the horn-filled soul jazz apocalypse of Damon and Heathens.

A night to remember… or forget if you do it right.

Making Bien Sûr Relose His Shit - Take One

This week, Yahweh a.k.a. "Buttercup" tries to help Bien Sûr relose his shit.

Bein Sûr Gets His Shit Together

Hey kids! Here's my latest cartoon. Yes, it's a little bit shorter - I have a big work meeting tomorrow. Eventually I'm going to start drawing these things on Sundays, but you know, no time is really good.

Anyways I still continue to fuck around with how to ink both with pen and on the computer; it's a tad rocky. Also the new characters of Jolineanna (pronounced "Joliney Anna") and Amandrea are new and therefore a bit rocky, and I'm just not feeling my chops tonight.

Still, I think going forward the comics will be about this length, with ongoing arcs, so I don't get burnt out. Enjoy!